On 1st January 2018, I promised I’d start a record of my weight loss and do a weekly diary. And now it’s 19th Jan and basically, I haven’t. I have been kind of busy. Life just gets in the way and I really like sleeping (even though my kids don’t. Have I mentioned that ever?) Any way, I apologise for the tardiness and here is the story so far.
I dragged my sorry wobbly ass back to Chub Club on 2nd Jan and I am so glad I did. You may recall that, on New Year’s Day, my scales said I was 13st 5lb. It meant I had put 1 stone 2lb since 5th December. However, as I blobbed onto the SlimmingWorld scales, I weighed a svelte 12st 11.5lb. As far as I am concerned, I had instantly lost 7.5lb. I leapt off the scales with delight. I could see everyone staring at me with a look of horror at the fact I was thrilled to have gained just the 9lb in a month. But, hell, that’s less than 3lb a week. That is amateur! After a refresher on what SlimmingWorld is all about, I left motivated and determined. My BMI was still 30. I was still obese. It was time to get cracking.
My week ahead was planned. I was going to nail it and feel amazing. Only I did not feel amazing at all. This healthy eating stuff is supposed to make you feel great but I felt like death for the first few days. I am a BIG caffeine consumer. I rely on the stuff to keep me awake and prevent me from murdering perfectly decent people. I was an eight cups a day girl but instantly dropped to two and the withdrawal was horrific.
I felt exhausted, nauseous, my head was pounding. I did not sign up for this shit but I ploughed through and I am now doing well on my two cups a day. Maybe one day I will be caffeine free but let’s not get crazy here. I have two young kids; I need to keep sane somehow.
By the end of the week, I did pick up and I was thrilled with a 4.5lb weight loss. It spurred me on and I went on a mad crazy batch cooking frenzy. My freezer is jam packed. If nuclear holocaust hits, I’ll be just fine (provided my freezer doesn’t pack in during the fall out) At least I am organised.
I won’t lie. I have felt hungry at times. Let’s get this straight, I’m a big bird. I can eat as much as most professional rugby players and still have room for dessert. Cutting down on portion sizes is hard and my husband is a feeder. Our marriage is based on the fact we love food and hate people. Changing his ways in order to support me isn’t easy and I feel bad for asking him to do so. That’s not to say he’s unsupportive though.
SlimmingWorld is based upon filling up on “speed foods”. This is mainly fruit and veg with a high water content and relatively low sugar, whilst adding lots of protein and allowing carbs. I have been mindful of this. Despite me being hungry at times, I do feel brighter. I feel my concentration is better. I am more alert. I don’t think I am as moody (my husband may disagree) It has made me motivated to stick to it and this week I have lost 3lb. Just 1.5lb to get back to where I was and 5lb to get below that 12 stone mark. That is when I will feel like I am getting there. Changing that front number is the dream! Well, not the dream but it’s an interim goal.
It’s not just about numbers, I can see my body changing. My stomach is going down and I can see a hint of a waist. My skin is still hideously caked in acne but I have all but given up on that one. I know that losing mass isn’t the most important thing. I need to lose fat. I have been using my dodgy knee as an excuse not to exercise. Even Joe Wicks jumping around topless hasn’t been enough to drive me to get off my arse. Now that my physiotherapist has told me I need to start moving to strengthen my knee, I have no goddamn excuse not to squeeze my lard into Lycra and get jumping about like an idiot.
The best thing about dieting in January is the range of dieting programmes on TV. My name is Jemma and I am addicted to watching shows about fat people. In order to keep me focused, I have been binge watching the Australian version of the Biggest Loser. I am obsessed. I love how
rude brutal Shannan is. I love to know how much they weigh and how much they lose. The ridiculously large weight losses are fascinating. It’s sheer voyeurism. I can’t help it. Does that make me a terrible person? (Don’t answer that) I love the thought of doing those Last Chance Training Sessions. It is making me think about exercise so, you know, it’s a start. (FYI if anyone wants to sign me up for the next series, I’ll happily take part)
My fixation with Dr Xand Van Tulleken is also keeping me on track. I had planned to give up stalking my celebrity crushes in 2018 but I’ve given up caffeine and eating junk. I’m not a Puritan. A (slightly unhinged) girl has to have some pleasure in life. Besides, I have backed off Greg Davies. He doesn’t engage with me on Twitter. Dr Xand only has himself to blame. If he will reply to my Tweets, he is only encouraging me. Plus I help his viewing figures enormously, so he’s resisted a restraining order just yet. Anyhow, his new series of “How to Lose Weight Well” on Channel 4 is keeping me on the straight and narrow. As he road tests fad diets (sometimes just in his underwear *drools*) I realise that actually this is the only way to do it. Sensible diet and exercise. Dull as ditch water but totally true.
So in conclusion, yes I have lost weight. Yes I do feel much better. I have lost 7.5lb in two weeks and have 25lb to go. I am on my way. At this stage in the game, it would be worrying if I was flaking out but I have to try to keep things interesting. The focus for next few weeks is exercise. Watch this space…